When I first dove into BDSM, I went all out. It ended badly. Very badly. It ended with me being extorted as a sex slave and held captive in a room for 6 months while the sadist sexually tortured me. My story is one of millions where people have walked into BDSM and found themselves with a criminal posing as a Dom/me.
After 7 years of therapy, I dug deep into the psychology of BDSM and tore it apart. I interviewed Investigators, Attorneys, Psychologists, Doctors, Rapists, Criminals, Professional Dom/mes, and sex workers and dove deep into the “Why” of BDSM. When I was done, I emerged from my research with one, very clear understanding about BDSM that encompassed everyone I spoke to: People turned toward BDSM because it is part of who they are, or they were using BDSM to self-harm and reinforce their trauma. Further more, I learned that either people have the tenacity to jump in the deep end and explore on their own… or they feel intimidated and hesitate, wishing they had the courage to explore. The shy and timid are often left behind with little to no guidance. And there they sit on the sidelines, unable to take the lead and step in. This is where I come in.
I once used BDSM to self-harm. I have used BDSM to re-enact my traumas and provide a safe space for Exposure Therapy. I also used BDSM to empower myself. Today, I use BDSM to build and nurture my own confidence, and I teach others how to do the same. By practicing, what I call MINDFUL BDSM, or Zen BDSM, a person can embrace the part of themselves they have been conditioned to reject, and this heals them. It reclaims their identity and their name. It rebuilds their confidence. No sex. No impact. No pain… not until the basics have been covered and mastered.
My philosophy is abstract. My philosophy is unique. It’s never been done before. It is a hell of a marketing angle. And it encompasses what I am, where I’ve been, and what I believe.